The fastest drivers in the world took a trip down under at the weekend, as Melbourne, Australia played host to Round 3 of the 2023 Formula One season.

In a weekend that broke records, required a Kylie Minogue ‘spinning around’ counter, and made John Wick 4 look like Songs of Praise, let’s try and pick up the pieces and reflect on what chaos ensued.

Practice belonged to Max Verstappen and Red Bull, topping the first and third sessions, with exception to the rain-affected second session, which Alonso topped. Qualifying however is where it started to hit the fan, with Sergio Perez beaching his car in the gravel on his first flying lap in Q1, meaning he’d start last on Sunday.

This made for a Red Bull sandwich as it was Verstappen who took pole, just edging out George Russell and Lewis Hamilton in their Mercedes’: the pair seemed to have found more pace since last time out in Saudi Arabia. Alonso started 4th ahead of his Spanish counterpart Sainz in the first Ferrari, Stroll in the other Aston Martin, and Sainz’ teammate Leclerc in 7th. Credit to Alex Albon by the way, who qualified 8th in his Williams!

When the lights went out on Sunday, it’s Verstappen who’s slow off the line, and Russell pounces on him into turn 1 to take the lead! Verstappen’s poor exit out of turn 1 leaves him vulnerable to Hamilton, who dives down the inside of turn 3 and leaves him out to dry! Who would’ve predicted a Mercedes 1-2 by turn 3?

Behind them, its 3-wide between Alonso, Stroll and Leclerc into turn 3. They all try to make it through but the gap closes in the middle for Stroll, who taps the right rear tyre of Leclerc, spinning around the Ferrari into the gravel and out of the race, bringing out the safety car. What a terrible start to the season for Charles Leclerc!

Fast forward to lap 7, and all the good work Alex Albon did in qualifying has come undone at turn 6, where he’s found the barrier. A replay shows Alex losing the rear end and spinning into the wall headfirst, taking the ‘Kylie Minogue counter’ up to 2 so far.

This brought out another safety car, which Russell responded to by pitting from the lead, which dropped him down to 7th.

However, Alex’s crash has left gravel and debris on the circuit, which made the stewards bring out the first red flag of the season. Under a red flag, all the drivers can change their tyres without losing track position, so Russell has thrown his lead away by pitting too early. This meant Hamilton would lead the drivers away at the restart.

At the race restart, Hamilton keeps the lead from Verstappen and Alonso. Down into turn 3 again, it looks like they’re all going to make it through safely but contact with Esteban Ocon and Nyck De Vries sends the Dutchman fittingly, into a bunny hop.

Luckily for them both, they get away unscathed.

Lap 12 now, and Verstappen has closed up to Hamilton. He gets a good exit out of turn 7, and with DRS down the back straight, swoops round the outside of the Mercedes into the lead in the blink of an eye, literally.

Lap 18, and it gets bad to worse for George Russell! After working his way back up to 4th with a tidy move on Gasly, his Mercedes loses power down the start-finish straight and grinds to a holt just after the pit exit, flames billowing out of the back of his car. It was all going so well.

Lap 22 and Perez has worked his way up to 10th through incredible moves on Ocon and Piastri into turn 9. I wonder if he can get anywhere near the front like Verstappen did in Saudi Arabia…

Speaking of Verstappen, it would be lap 47 where he would show a sign of weakness. Locking up his front left tyre into the penultimate corner, he runs wide, over the slightly damp grass and nearly spins when coming back onto the track. Half a Kylie point added taking the total to 2.5.

Fast forward to lap 53 and confusion surrounds Albert Park as Kevin Magnussen is driving around with 3 wheels on his car. Contact with the wall at turn 2 with his right rear tyre sent it flying off behind him: the bottom of his Haas scraping across the concrete.

This would bring out the third safety car of the afternoon, which would turn into the second red flag of the race on lap 55, leaving for a 2-lap shootout at the end of the race on fresh soft tyres.

What could possibly go wrong?

Everything apparently!

The lights go out for the third time and Hamilton and Verstappen get away equally, but behind them, Sainz and Alonso collide, sending the Aston Martin into a spin.

Perez runs wide onto the gravel as does Gasly, but as Pierre comes back onto the track, he doesn’t see Ocon on his right and sends himself and his teammate both crashing into the outside wall of turn 2!

Spanish and French civil wars in the space of 2 corners! Behind them, Logan Sargeant locks up his brakes and hits the back of Nyck De Vries, sending the AlphaTauri spinning around into the gravel at turn 1. That’s 2 Kylie points in 1 corner!

We’re not done there though, as Sainz is now side by side with Alonso’s teammate Stroll for P3 into turn 3. Stroll locks up his brakes and goes straight on into the gravel and almost into the wall, before the red flag is called again! Best 20 drivers in the world by the way.

Having learned their lesson, the stewards decide not to do a 1-lap shootout again, and instead finish the race behind the safety car in the positions for the third start. It's Max Verstappen who wins a chaotic Australian Grand Prix, which I wish my alarm had gone off for.

Lewis Hamilton gets his first podium of the season in 2nd, and Fernando Alonso carries on his podium streak in 3rd. Sainz crosses the line 4th, but a 5 second penalty for the crash with Alonso drops him down to 12th, promoting Stroll to 4th to get Aston Martin’s best points haul of the season.

Sergio Perez gets driver of the day finishing in 5th, ahead of Lando Norris’ and McLaren’s first points of the season in 6th. Nico Hulkenberg gets 7th for Haas, ahead of Oscar Piastri who gets his first ever F1 points on home soil, Zhou Guanyu in 9th for Alfa Romeo, and Yuki Tsunoda in 10th. The race ends with 4.5 Kylie points, and with a record for the most red flags in F1 history with 3.

This result takes Verstappen’s championship lead to 15 points ahead of teammate Perez.

Predictions time, and my luck has run out… In my defence, I didn’t expect Leclerc to be out after 3 corners, and Mercedes to be as fast as they were. A lot can change in the next 4 weeks before the next race in Baku, Azerbaijan, my favourite race of the year!

My predictions for this one are: Perez P1, Verstappen P2, Leclerc P3. Another street circuit, another Sergio masterclass!

That’s it for my Australian roundup, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. I will see you in a few weeks’ time for the Azerbaijan Grand Prix!

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