Alex B Cann column: It's time to speak up

Tameside Radio Breakfast presenter Alex B Cann emphasises the importance of talking when times get tough and shares some of his own experiences in his column this week.

We’ve almost made it to the season of overindulgence. What a year it’s been. We learned this week that London has been placed into Tier 3, and we know a bit about that around these parts, having spent approximately half of 2020 living under the strictest tier of coronavirus restrictions. 

It’s been a year in which I’ve lost a really good friend to the virus, and so many others have lost loved ones too. When I light a candle this Christmas Day, I’ll certainly be remembering Julie, and thinking about everyone who has an empty chair at the dinner table.

I know this is a bleak way to start my column, but it links to what I wanted to talk to you about. 

Speaking as a bloke, I can categorically say I’ve been a bit rubbish over the years at discussing how I feel. I know I’m not alone in this. How many of us have called our parents for a chat on the landline (remember those?!) only to find Dad answered and almost immediately said: “I’ll put your mum on”! Almost like a game of pass the parcel with the phone, or flinging a hot spud.

I got thinking about male friendship whilst watching Mortimer and Whitehouse Go Christmas Fishing earlier this week, followed by The Misadventures of Romesh Ranganathan. Both were excellent programmes, and amongst the rolling shots of North Yorkshire and the Isle of Skye, we were treated to something we don’t often see on television - blokes having real conversations.

I guess another example is last night’s testosterone fuelled Gordon, Gino and Fred: Desperately Seeking Santa. Possibly not one for vegetarians, mind, as some reindeer were harmed in the making of the programme. I certainly had a good time watching three grown men go in search of Santa Claus in Lapland, I must admit.

A study by Brigham Young University in America found social connections - with friends, family, neighbours or colleagues - improve a person’s odds of survival by 50 per cent. Figures also show that the suicide rate among men is 3.8 times higher than among women, and that they are far less likely to admit they are lonely.

I worry about the loss of so many pubs this year, as they are often places where people can find company and a chat over a pint. 

I remember striking up a conversation in a pub in Bridlington at the beginning of the year with a lady who had recently lost her husband, and clearly just needed a chat. Half an hour later, she left looking much happier. Where do folk without Zoom and WhatsApp turn to in these times of pandemic? 

It might be a good thing to do after reading this to text a friend who you’ve not heard from in a while. You could even write them a letter, although with the last posting date for second class Christmas mail being tomorrow, it might take a little time to get there, so a text would be quicker.

In my big pile of books to read is ‘Handcuffed Emotions’ by Benjamin Pearson, who retired from West Yorkshire Police after almost 20 years, suffering from PTSD, and struggling to find support. Ben has recently been working with Andy’s Man Club too, an organisation which has the slogan ‘it’s okay to talk’. It’s so refreshing to see blokes being able to admit without fear that they are not OK. We have a long way to go, but I hope reading this inspires you to reconnect with someone. That would be a great Christmas feeling for me.

I’ll be on Tameside Radio right across the festive period, including live shows on Christmas Eve and Boxing Day, and would love your company. Radio has got me through some really tough times over the last 18 years, along with one of my best friends Tom, who helped me out massively last year when I was struggling with things. I’ll always owe him a huge debt of gratitude, and must admit I probably haven’t told him that in person, as us blokes prefer to mock each other as a rule. So there you go, Tom. It’s in print now!

I’ll leave you this week with a thought borrowed from Twitter - you don’t have to be positive all the time. It’s perfectly okay to feel sad, angry, annoyed, frustrated, scared and anxious. Having feelings doesn’t make you a negative person. It makes you human.